The Languages of Love

I am a man who believes that we define much of ourselves through the relationships we have with others. Be they platonic, romantic or familial, we seek truth in these interactions with other people. Many of us, however, fail to divine the most fundamental of secrets to lasting, healthy relationships. Two of these I have discovered to be unfailingly true, but so simple in nature they elude us like the wisps of dreams dissipating in the morning when we first awake. The first: know thyself. You must always seek to deeply and intimately know who you are – for if you don’t even know yourself, how can you expect anyone else to know you? The second: seek first to change yourself, before seeking to change another. In other words, become the person you want to find. These concepts are so simple, yet even the most potent of minds among us rarely engage with them. I attempt to live these principles out daily, a challenging task, yet one at which I refuse to fail.

A good way to start on this journey of both knowing yourself and becoming the person which you would like to find is to learn about the 5 Love Languages. Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a book many years ago about this concept of love languages. As he purports, there are 5 love languages which we all speak to varying degrees: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. Many of the problems we run into in relationships are because we do not understand that we primarily speak a different love language than the person with whom we are engaged in the relationship. When we understand these differences, and learn that in order to make the other person feel appreciated and loved we must speak their love language, our relationship is almost magically better. I’ve read the book a couple of times – it’s quite an easy read, but very powerful if you are willing to let the message sink in. It helps not only with romantic relationships, but with friendships, work relationships, and families.

If you want to get a quick taste without going out and buying the book, check out the 5 Love Languages website. Take the assessment – it only takes about 10-15 minutes, but in the time it takes you to check Facebook a couple of times you can have information that can help change your life. Give it a try, and encourage those important people in your life to do so as well. You’ll be on the path towards personal success with relationships in no time.

-JMC-