I recently had a conversation with a good friend that was
difficult, but in the end, very enlightening and uplifting. He spoke about
discontentment with his life: with his romantic endeavors, his current
intellectual pursuits, the direction of his life, everything. He described how
the other day, he participated in an activity I personally know for him has
been one of his greatest joys for years, yet he experienced not one ounce of
enjoyment on this occasion. He also said something that I believe was key: that
when he put his life in perspective, he could not think of one reason why he should be discontent – by most
standards, he is doing incredibly well, and many people would probably give almost
anything to be in his shoes (literally and figuratively) – but he still felt unhappy. He could not put his
finger on the source of his dissatisfaction with his life, but he felt it
acutely all the same.
I say this conversation was difficult for two reasons.
First, it was hard hearing a friend for whom I care deeply describing the pain
and struggle he was experiencing. Second, I completely understand how he feels,
because I have felt this way before myself. I am an excessive worrier by
nature, and have been prone to (and struggled with) depression as long as I can
remember. I’ve been in the place where I was completely unhappy with my life,
despite not being able to specify the origin of my discontent and all outward
signs being antithetical to me “needing” to feel that way. I literally felt my
friend’s pain, and that was difficult. But the conversation was also
enlightening and uplifting, because of the resultant discussion, and I believe
it was so for both my friend and me.
As we were talking, what stuck out to me was his comment
about not being able to pinpoint the source of his discontentment. Everything
on the outside was technically good, maybe even great, by most standards, which
to me pointed to something internal
that wasn’t in place. I talked to my friend about a few things I’ve noticed. He
has always been an intellectual, and makes sure he keeps his mind sharp by
consuming information, whether it’s technical knowledge for his job or
schooling, current events and politics, sports, or personal interests. He has
an enviable social life, consistently making time for friends, fellowship, and
fun. He also exercises regularly, and is conscientious about eating a healthy
diet. He takes care of himself well, mentally, socially, and physically…but
there was a piece I saw missing, which for me directly correlates with the internal self which for him was out of alignment:
spirituality.
So often we as humans seem to forget that we are beings made
up of multiple parts, and that in order to be whole, we need to maintain all of those parts. I believe that
essentially, there are four aspects to our wellbeing: physical, mental, social,
and spiritual. These can be further broken down into smaller divisions, which
many theories do, but in a gross sense, these cover everything. As humans we
have a physical body, and we have to take care of it. Almost everything we do
is executed through physical movement or processes. In fact, if these physical
processes ever stop working, you’re typically dead (for instance breathing – if
your lungs cease to work, you will either need a machine to do it for you, or
you will die). In the same way, we have to take care of our mental functions.
If you don’t keep your mind sharp by learning new things, or staying engaged in
those things you know, you will become stagnant and unproductive, and your life
will be that much harder. We humans are also social creatures; we exist in
relation to others. Yes, there are varying degrees to which people desire or
need contact with other people, but fundamentally we are built to work, play,
live, be with others, to be social.
But there is also an internal aspect to our nature: spirituality. People may
call it different things, but the essence remains the same – there is something
within each of us that makes us unique and different, that gives us life, often
referred to as a soul or spirit. And it needs to be maintained as well. So many
people do things to work on one or two aspects of their lives to the neglect of
other areas, and often the area that gets the least attention is the one that,
arguably, needs the most – the spirit. It’s when you neglect the spirit, the
internal, that everything on the outside can be going perfectly yet you still
feel unfulfilled.
For me, my spirituality manifests itself through my faith in
God, so that’s what I spoke to my friend about. I told him about how, when I
was experiencing a similar phase in my life (I should say phases, because it’s
happened more than once), while it was extremely helpful to have strong support
from my family and friends, what really brought me through was my faith in God,
that He was in control of my life and I could trust Him completely. There’s a
verse in the Bible that addresses worry and anxiety, Philippians 4:6, which
says that we should not worry about anything, but instead, through prayer (and
with thanks), present everything to God. What I shared with my friend
specifically though was the verse that follows that, verse 7, which states:
“and the peace of God, which
transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and mind.” For me, that
verse is applicable to more than just worry. My friend described a feeling that
he could not specifically pinpoint that was causing him to be discontent – a
feeling that he could not understand.
In a situation like that, you need a peace that transcends all understanding, and God promises that if you bring
things to Him through prayer, He will give you that peace. I suggested that my
friend actively work on that part of his life, his spiritual wellbeing, with
the same intentionality that I witness him pursuing the other aspects of his
life. And the same should be true for everybody else, myself included.
As I said previously, this was an enlightening and uplifting
conversation, for me as well. I say that for two reasons. One, I believe God
orchestrated this discussion in part to give me an occasion to share my faith
in a way in which I was comfortable. I am not shy about my beliefs, but unless
someone asks me about them I rarely go out of my way to share, because I never
want to be seen as a “pushy” Christian, or someone who is trying to thrust his beliefs
upon another – but I do recognize that as a Christian, I am called to tell
others about Christ. God knows me better than I know myself, and that I’ve been
thinking about this issue a lot, so he gave me the perfect chance to speak up
without feeling pushy. Second, this conversation gave me another reminder to
keep my own spiritual wellbeing in the forefront of my mind. I often fall into
the (unintentional) trap of working on one aspect of my life to the neglect of
others, and constant reminders help me stay fresh in my commitment to my own
development.
I truly believe that it is important for
everybody to find some spiritual grounding, whatever that means for them
individually. That can be through some organized religion, or many other
outlets. If for you that is a religious affiliation, are you reading your
Bible, Quran, or whatever holy text you follow? Are you meeting regularly with
others who share your beliefs? Are you praying, or maybe just sitting quietly
and meditating? It’s crucial that you find whatever that thing is for you, and
you actively develop it, for your own wellbeing. If you work on this
foundational aspect of your life, you will likely find that everything else
seems to fall into place much more easily…and in turn, you will probably be
much more content.
-JMC-
