Paradigm Shifter

Getting over someone after a break up is never easy. There's no prescriptive method on how to do so. For a long while there existed this paradigm in my mind. This paradigm was this multi-faceted construct of everything I thought the she in my life should be. And I thought what I needed to get over someone was what I call a 'paradigm shifter'. That is someone who would come along and change my thinking on how I look at women, what I expected of them, and who would eradicate the standard of someone else that I was holding them to. But I was wrong.

It was me who had shift my own paradigm. I had to break the mold. And now I have to reconceptualize the standard. In my previous thinking about searching for a paradigm shifter, I was giving too much power away. I was expecting someone to do for me what I could have done for myself all along. I had to really sit down with myself and truly think through what it is that I want in someone, what it is that I expect, and define for myself what is my standard. I had to stop worrying about the 'what ifs' of the past and start focusing on the 'what will be' or 'who will be's' of the future. In doing so I gained more control. A greater control over what I expect to give and receive. But to get there wasn't easy and often times we're afraid to break that paradigm because its safe and familiar.

In reflection, we have to thank them for the time they spent with us. We have to appreciate, cherish, and respect the time and memories but we can't remain in 'what if' land. You have to protect your emotions and store them up for that next special person that is destined to come along. And we have to move on. We must move on. There is someone out there who requires so much more of you and to not prepare yourself for them by living in the past is to do them injustice. There's no love lost its just compartmentalized. Compartmentalized as part of my past and bears witness to the capabilities that I posses to be someone's great significant other. The breaking of the paradigm is not to be lamented over for in subscribing to the previous constraints of said paradigm, it by its very nature is severely limiting. If anything we should be inspired, for we are to be expectant to see who and what will be. I'm convinced that the magic isn't in the possibility of getting back together, it now exists in the possibility of what is to come.

-WAC, III-

The Path of Most Resistance

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim

Because it was grassy and wanted wear,

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I marked the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost

 During a conversation at lunch today with my mother, an educated and spiritual woman, I found myself engaged in what has become a regular topic of discussion between her and me – my future. I was bringing her up to speed on where I thought my life was taking me, career-wise. After I informed her of the latest of my intentions for the next few years, I recounted a recurring vision I’d been having regarding what I thought I should be doing. For a few months now I’ve felt as though I was standing at a point of decision – facing two roads which lead off in two different directions. One road leads to a good life: success by anyone’s standards, happiness and prosperity, doing meaningful work, but just that – good. The other road leads into something a bit mistier, much less clear or defined – but within the shadows I see glimpses of greatness untold, a life where I not only have the desires of my heart, but also get a chance daily to affect real change in the world, and have a positive impact on countless lives. One road is full of relative ease and comfort, and is predictably simple; the other is riddled with hard work and uncertainty, but the possibilities are endless.

Being the individual that I am, I of course needed no pause whatsoever to determine which way I would choose. I have never been one to accept mediocrity; it’s excellence or nothing for me. But it has given me time to consider the ramifications of the decisions we make, and the faith we must exercise when choosing. Often the best decisions we can make in life are those which cause us the most pause, where the outcome is least defined. We must believe in ourselves at all costs, and in the Higher Power we recognize in our lives. As my mother the minister put it: God is never the author of the most comfortable and easiest path. We are meant to struggle, to put forth effort, in order that we might reap the true benefits of our work. And as evidenced by this Robert Frost poem, often that means taking the past of most resistance, the road less traveled. For it along this path we see who we truly are, what we are truly made of – and in the end, what we can truly become.

-JMC-