Lay it down. Take it off.

A conversation with my colleague prompted me to do some real thinking in terms of my disposition in general and in particular my attitude and approach toward women. Granted this conversation wasn't about that subject matter entirely, but one or two things my bro said in the convo spurred me to really think.

I was considering how that as a guy I at times lack humility and grace in my dealings with the opposite sex. I often present this persona that is chock full of a sense of entitlement as if she owes me something. A presence or performed swagger that seeks to attract her interest in me in order to vaunt myself up and not for the sake of truly getting to know her for her. Combine that with the air of expectancy that I've been carrying around and it proves to be a volatile mix. But alas, I had a moment to think. A moment to reflect. A moment when things started to click and make sense in a different way than they had before. Realizing that at the end of the day, no person owes you anything and that matters of divining and holding the attention of another are not to be taken lightly. I thought about the need for more grace, more consideration, more humility, more honor, more intentionality, less entitlement, less pretension, and less non-chalance in my dealings. Why? Because she's a lady. A lady just like my mom, sisters, and nieces whom I love dearly and wouldn't dare think of treating in a manner less than befitting of the queens I hold them to be. A lady who by that very virtue is owed a type of respect. Although she may not be the potential Mrs. Christian she's still a lady. And I need to be appreciative that this lady (whomever she is and whenever she appears) has decided to give me the time of day.

With this thought in mind I began to prescribe a course of action for myself. It reads as follows:

• I need to stop acting non-chalant and cool as if women don't matter because they do.
• I need to stop fronting like I've got it all together because I don't.

I thought about how in my not having it all together, she on some level decides to deal with me. The how and why of which I sometimes don't even understand. Because some days I catch a glimpse of how fallible I really am or better yet, how many poor choices over the course of 26 years I have made. How there's a thin line between confidence and arrogance and I often get caught up in making the two indistinguishable. How my pride often gets in the way of any purity that I may posses. How my ego blocks my emotions and how playing it cool has closed as many doors as its opened.

More often than not, there comes a time when you have to lay down your pride and take off your cool. Lay it down. Take it off.

And I got to thinking that just as no amount of education or 'coolness' will ever surmount the fact that above all else I'm my mom's son the same holds true with women. No amount of this or that will eradicate the fact that above all else I'm a guy who is prone to making mistakes and doing things that no amount of pride or cool can cover. And although I may clean up nicely it only serves to make a good presentation but underneath I'm still fallible me. If she chooses to deal with me after peering through my limited concealment, then I need to be ok that she can deal with the not so cool me that she so happens to find well, cool.

-WAC, III-